let’s see…

the rain in spain falls mainly on de plane, de plane.

or not.

still and all, good enough for the moment, assuming this posts.

Check with 2.4.5 whether the layout is infused correctly using the simple interface.

Ipsum quo vadis carborundum sum.

Such a monster’s ball.

While this is a test post presently, it will morph into a retrospective analysis of a relocation to the 4th circle of Hades. Where might this be? Well, here are a few hints…

1. Human habitation is simply not advisable in these parts.
2. Largest commercial enclave of its kind in the entire hemisphere.
3. No gang problem, as there’s a rumor that there are people living here with a screw loose. That’s because there are people living here with a screw loose.

AP

As this issue goes to press, I was asked to prepare yet another missive concerning boating safety. Yet, as this issue goes to press, I am about as far from my reference library as one can get. More specifically, I am sitting on the back deck of my boat, anchored in Cat Harbor enjoying the sights and silence of Catalina Island. As such, at the moment, boating safety is not only far from my mind, but is of very little concern at all. Nevertheless, while anchored in such a peaceful setting, I got to thinking about what is important here and determined that getting to and from the bar and wireless internet connection is paramount. Thus, it is time to think about “the Dink.”

To most landlubbers, a dink is a beverage without the “r”, a small thing, a loser. But to those of us with saltwater in our veins, a “dink” is much more. It is our limousine, our pick up truck, our life raft, our beverage transport device, our anchor assistant, our sun deck, and even our migratory personnel transport (MPT). We use them for so many things that, in my own opinion, they deserve much more than mere passing reference.

Most dinks are inflatable. Many are solid; made of fiberglass or even wood. Inflatable dinks are made of PVC or of Hypalon. They vary in length and width. Some have hard bottoms made of molded fiberglass, and some have inflatable keels. Some have hard floors and some have soft inflatable floors. They also vary in color; some are gray, some are red; some are blue; and some are even painted black. Many have a hard transom, and some have no transom at all. It takes a transom to carry an outboard motor, however, and those without a transom are generally relegated to the use of oars.

Regardless of the kind of dink you have, or want, however, there are several constants. First, it must float. Second, it must float with you and your accommodation aboard. Third, it must float with you, your accommodation, and your motor aboard. Fourth, it must float with you, your accommodation, your motor and all your stuff aboard. In other words, make sure you acquire a dink that is USCG rated for the load you intend to accommodate. It is a citable offense to overload a dink, not to mention that it is downright unsafe.

In terms of rating, dinks are typically rated for maximum motor size/horsepower. I once saw a guy with a small inflatable dink with a shabby transom, carrying a grossly oversized engine. Every time he throttled up, the dink folded in half. It didn’t take this clown too many episodes of having to bale out the dink to figure out that his motor was too big. Nevertheless, it is important to have a motor that will move the boat in any conditions. If you cannot move the boat, you may not get back to the mother ship. Sometimes your oars will be useless no matter how hard you think you can pull. Rescue will be necessary. So, with this in mind, size the dink and the motor for what you intend to use it for.

In terms of quality, there is a lot of debate. In my opinion, I prefer hypalon boats. Some folks prefer the nice looking, hand made, all wooden dinks. I find them functionally useless as they do not move well through rough conditions, especially if they belong to a purist who refuses to mount an engine on it. Hypalon material is more durable than PVC and thus will last longer.

Yet, there is more to quality than just the material. Look for a dink that has plenty of things to grab or hold onto. While quite stable, it is easy to bounce out. Look for a dink that has good workable oar-locks and real oars. I can tell you from personal experience that real oars are an absolute necessity no matter how fabulous you think your outboard motor is. I guaranty that the outboard engine will fail, and that it will fail at the most inopportune time. So, cancel the order for the dink with simply ornamental paddles, and get real oars for the boat with real oar-locks. If you had to row the dink any significant distance, you will be glad you did.

A seat is a very nice thing to have for passengers. Moreover, a seat pocket is also a useable amenity. Some dinks have a compartment in the bow for storage of life jackets, anchors, hand pumps (for inflation and for baling out water), or running lights. In that regard, keep in mind that if your boat is more than 10 feet long, you have to have proper running lights for night time operation. An easy to use drain plug that is permanently attached to the boat is also a necessity. These things can pop out and you will wonder why your socks and tennis shoes are starting to feel spongy. You want to be able to put the plug back in without having to reach overboard.

I have already discussed the topic of oars. Now it is time to discuss outboard motors as many, if not most, dinks are powered by one of these machines. The outboard motor (hereinafter referred to as “the outboard”) is a complex piece of machinery that is more finicky than most obtuse housecats. Sometimes they work well, and sometimes they simply will not cooperate. As I said, at the time you need it most, it can let you down. Perhaps the best advice I can give you is to read the instruction book that comes with the motor before you take it out of the box. It will tell you the correct fuel to use, how and when to change the oil, the type of spark plugs they like, and how to “break in” the engine. The book will tell you the best way to start the motor and how to shut it off. Most important, it will tell you who to bring it to when it gives you grief. Over the years, I have learned that the more you try to tinker with one, the worse the problem plaguing you becomes.

In all boating endeavors, safety is of paramount importance. Whereas very few boats actually have seatbelts, a dink certainly does not. Some dinks are capable of very high speeds. Folks can easily launch out of a dink at high speed. Afterall, in most cases, you and your passengers will be sitting in inflated rubber tubes. These can be very springy. Don’t stand while the boat is moving.

All outboard motors are equipped with a “kill switch” key. When the key is removed, you should not be able to start the engine. It should be noted that most of these keys come attached to a flexible lanyard and are designed to pull out if the lanyard is overextended. Ergo, the “kill switch” concept. You should attach the lanyard to your body so if you fall overboard, you will kill the engine. This is important because you don’t want the boat to take off without you in it, and you certainly don’t want to get chopped by the prop. Brenda and I once saw a kid racing around in the anchorage at Smugglers. He hit a wave the wrong way and popped right out of the boat. He ended up with his arm wrapped in one of the lifelines and was holding on for dear life as his dink ran in tight, high speed circles. If he had let go, he would have been “chopped” and badly injured. Several of us came to his rescue. He was lucky.

Whereas a dink can get you from place to place, it is useful to know how you will be getting in and out when you get to that place or the other. Be it the beach, a dock, or the transom of the mothership, transferring to and from the dink takes practice. At Catalina Island, for example, there are dinghy docks at all of the major mooring fields. They are fairly low to the water, so getting in and out is not that big of a chore. However, it can get dicey if you have your hands full. Have one person stabilize the dink to the dock while you get in and start the motor. It is advisable to make sure the motor is running before you let go of the dock. Moreover, it is also advisable to get in from on your hands and knees as stepping into the dink while standing straight up is a sure beat to a Dolphin Award. Have your partner hand you the groceries, water bottles, gas cans, scuba tanks, or whatever else you may be transferring before they get in the boat. This will make things a lot easier.

When it comes to docking your dink, have ready a line long enough to adequately tie it to the dock. At Avalon, for example, the dinghy dock can get so crowded, that you literally have to crawl over several boats to get to the dock. A long dock line is essential.

Long dock lines have disadvantages, however, such as potentially getting wrapped around a propeller or the rudder. It is useful to attach a float to the middle of the line to keep it on the surface. Polypropylene line may prove useful in this regard as well.

Beaching a dink and then leaving the beach through the surf is a completely different story. This can be hazardous at best and downright humiliating. There are several beaches that are known to “eat” dinks. Smugglers at Santa Cruz Island is one. It is a rare day indeed when beaching the dink and then leaving can be done without getting very, very wet, if not completely soaked. While it may provide hours of entertainment for you and yours sitting on the back of your boat watching the uninitiated make the landing or the launch, keep in mind that when the dink flips, and tosses you and yours into the water, and the still running outboard motor along with the gas can, the oars, the dog, and whatever else you may be carrying are coming down on you and heading right for your face, it IS dangerous and serious injury may be inevitable.

In most cases, you will be killing the engine before it hits bottom and you will use oars to propel the boat the rest of the way in. Have someone keep a look out for rogue waves. It can get real ugly sometimes.

Assuming you make it to the beach, make sure you drag the dink high enough up the beach to prevent its unwanted departure if and when the tide changes or the surf picks up. This is where wheels come in handy. They are expensive, but well worth the investment.

Getting off the beach is often more difficult than getting on the beach. Clearly surf will push flotsam onto the beach. So even if swamped and upside down, you will most likely get to the sand, regardless of the condition you’re in. Thus, getting off the beach is proportionately harder. You have to time the waves, know where the bottom drops out, and where it is too shallow to start the motor. You will have to get everyone and everything into the boat, and then propel the loaded boat, usually with your oars, to a place where the engine can be lowered and then started. Remember when I told you that your outboard is bound to fail you at the most inopportune time? Well, this is one of those inopportune times. A complete list of four letter explicatives fails me at this moment, but I can assure you I have used them all at one time or another when trying to get myself, Brenda, and all our formerly dry goods off the beach and some idiot wave decides to ruin my Sunday.

It is rather simple. Pick your spots and pick your days. Leave the dog at home so you don’t have to take it to the beach to do its business. You may regret it, and the dog certainly will regret making you do so.

How you will carry the dink and how you will get it in and out of the water varies depending on the mothership. There are a wide variety of davits and lifting systems available. Again, keep in mind what you will be using it for and size it appropriately. It makes no sense to have an outboard motor you cannot lift on and off the transom of the dink. Also, keep in mind that you may have to lift it in unpleasant conditions, so make sure you can do it safely. If not, you may have to tow it home.

Towing a dink takes some careful thought and planning. You need to have a proper towing bridle and you will have to have a sufficient length of line to properly place it behind the boat. The distance behind the boat at which you will be towing the dink will depend on the conditions. This is something that is unique to different dinks, so you will have to experiment. Whatever you do, however, remember that you are towing it when you slow down or stop the boat. I guaranty that the tow line and the propeller will engage in a sick-sounding love affair if you forget you are towing the dink and have to engage in tight maneuvering requiring putting the main engine(s) into reverse. Anyone who has spent time at Catalina Island knows what this looks like. Divers make a bundle off the unwary mariner who forgets how attractive tow lines are to moving propellers. In fact, a friend of mine lost a sailboat on the beach not too long ago when he inadvertently ran aground on an uncharted sand bar and slammed his engine into reverse. He forgot he was towing his dinghy and when the tow line wrapped the prop, it caused his engine to cease and he was DIW – dead in the water – wafting in the surf. It was a beautiful boat.

Please never forget, your dink is a boat, and as such, deserves all the care an attention in use and maintenance as you would give its mothership. And remember, always wear your lifejackets while in the dink, and don’t drink and “dink”.

Once a properly-kept cigar has been located (stored at 70F, 70% humidity) that meets one’s parameters relative to the wrapper, the binder, the filler, the shape, and size (do I even need to say it), one must then have a proper amount of time in which to enjoy the experience. There are few things worse than having to extinguish and subsequently relight a cigar.

But how to know, much less remember, which cigars have been better than which? Ah - stay tuned, dear reader - for a simple handy-dandy methodology is yours for the reading. Just as soon as I get around to writing it in order to share it with you. Once you have this methodology in hand, you will know six months or six years down the road what is worth repurchasing and what isn’t. That said, it’s a bit more involved than that. As an example, let’s say you’ve had the opportunity to consume several variants of the Ghurka line over the years but never really paid much attention. All of a sudden, one day, a new Ghurka appears that heretofore had been available only to the Sultan of Brunei. They come with a price tag of $75 each - do you take a shot? Adaptation of the forthcoming methodology will help make that decision much less angst-ridden indeed.